How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
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i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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