he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
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he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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