Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
