My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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