I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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