yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
