barbara walters just said penis...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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