I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
