I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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