Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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