So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He passed out mid-signature
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
