check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
