Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
