You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future