Please, let me fuck your mom
I puked a lego.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
