things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
whose ass print is on the piano?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.