I'm being pulled over???
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.