He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed