my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
