That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
