you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
