I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
only you would photoshop your dick
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
