sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
