Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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