Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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