If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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