I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize