PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
