after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
