I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
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Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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