Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
