I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
