Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
