shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
In America we eat man semen.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
