i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
