a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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