Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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