theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I think I sprained my soul last night
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize