I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
