We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
