my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
