dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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