i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
