and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize