Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
