how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
