Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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