Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Dignity is for republicans.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
