Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
