I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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