I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
