Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
we're making bets on your personal life
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize