Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
