I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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