thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
two words...techno handjob
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
