He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
