its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
