Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You need Xanax blowdarts
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
