A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
