My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
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my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
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I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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