call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
