You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
try to milk me bitch
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