I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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