These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
