____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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